(Hey! We’re doing this thing again with my mom and football, sort of. You can find previous weeks here: One.)
Final: Bears 28, 49ers 20
NOTE: THIS WAS RECORDED AT HALF-TIME FOR FEAR OF MY MOM FALLING ASLEEP BEFORE THE GAME WAS OVER. AT THE TIME, THE SCORE WAS 17-7, 49ERS, AND THE BEARS DID NOT LOOK ALL THAT GREAT.
I might not be awake for the second half. Well, what did I hear? What did I hear? That the defense is usually better on the road than the offense is on the road. But our defense is new, so it’s not that great.
So you got the new stadium, everything’s about the new stadium. What do you think of it? Have you seen the new stadium? Why did they need a new stadium? It’s like 45 miles away, on the South Bay. Anyway, the Bears had Marshall with his ankle and Jeffrey with his hamstring, but, oh! And there’s a lot of HorseFace tonight! He’s very partial for the Bears so now I like him.
You know. HorseFace. I can’t say his name because then people will know I call him a HorseFace.
It’s not exactly like a “horse face,” because when I read the definition of a “horse face” it’s not just the face they’re talking about. It’s like, the whole body looks like a horse. Like, the hair and everything is flowing. If you looked it up, you’ll see a “horse face” is like the whole horse, not just the face. But for me it’s just his face that looks like a horse.
His face looks like a horse!
I don’t know why! Well, you’ll have to look at him, then you’ll know why.
So, anyway, what else? The stadium looks cool. I don’t know what I wrote here. Kaepernick was fantastic. Cutler looks pretty good. In the first two minutes, I thought the Bears didn’t look too bad, but the 49ers looked really good. The Bears didn’t have too much of a chance to look bad. They don’t suck too much. Uh-uh.
Commercials are still annoying, with those stupid phone commercials. Tillman intercepted a ball and Jim Harbaugh had a little fit, screaming. And they sent it to the New Yorkers… who are the New Yorkers anyway? What makes them so official? I guess they’re the officials that everyone says, “Ooh, the New Yorkers.” So anyway, they looked at it and said he didn’t have control of the ball, so then he didn’t have the interception. That was a big thing, I know.
And then, oh! In that field, in Levi Field, they had to have it re-sodded three times in one month. Yeah, that’s kind of weird, huh?
And you got Bennett, number 83, I always liked 83 on the ‘85 Bears. What was his name, Rick? He was the ballet dancer? Yeah, he used to do ballet. Willie Gault, yeah! I think that was his number, you could check me. But I think he was number 83. But this number 83, I think he has a lot of butter on his fingers. It’s slippery. I think he has butter on his hands. But he did make a good catch, and the New Yorkers decided it wasn’t any good. And then HorseFace thought it should’ve been good. But, anyway.
And Cutler took that terrible hit. Poor guy. I feel bad for him! And then he kept playing, and he had a great pass to Brandon Marshall who had a great catch. So now, what is the score? 17-7. So, there’s still a chance.
What do you mean “what odds?” Oh. I think they’ll lose. But, I’m surprised they’re not losing by more. I don’t think they’re going to win tonight, but they may win next week. Nope. I don’t know who they’re playing next week. Well, I can look it up. I have it right on my refrigerator here.
Next week, Bears… uh-ooooh! Green Ba—no. New York. Another night time game. Oh, damn it.
THE NEXT MORNING I RECEIVED THE FOLLOWING “ADDENDUM” TEXT FROM MY MOTHER AFTER ASKING IF SHE WATCHED THE REST OF THE GAME:
Yeh. I did see parts of it. The defense looked great. Even cutler looked good with bomb passes. Bears win!!!!!
So, you’re camping. And a mosquito has gotten into the tent, which you know for a fact because of the welts and sensations of itch that have overtaken your body. So, you slam shut your book and spend the next half hour trying to locate said mosquito, but the search leads to nothing but tossed blankets and anger and profanities. So, you open back up your book and realize that you already completed the job.