2008
Jul
Just put some ice on it. You’ll be fine.
Jul 2nd
Just for fun.
The first Google page from 1998, via the Wayback Machine.
Jul 1st
From the end of Carlin’s first HBO special back in...
Jul 1st
Calling all technically proficient...
My new flat-screen TV has more inputs than the Bunny Ranch!
Jul 1st
Jun
How shit gets made.
As does anyone with taste, I hate-hated Rob Zombie’s Halloween, but if this news is right...
Jun 27th
Watch
Awesome in every way.
Jun 24th
Red Plastic Cup Parties, Observed
Jun 24th
Osama bin Cookie Monster? (via copyranter)
Jun 24th
Watch
What an amazing trailer for a horrible, horrible movie.
Jun 24th
A necessary evil
Also, before I forget, go here and build your own best man speech!
Jun 24th
Missed opportunity
This guy in front of me in line at Ralph’s asked the woman in front of him if he could borrow...
Jun 24th
If this poster’s any indication, this movie might be...
Jun 23rd
Homecoming
There is no better feeling than going home and seeing fellow high school classmates who have gotten...
Jun 23rd
Home for the week, so posting will be light for those who...
Jun 16th
An observation.
There’s no worse feeling than sitting your bare ass down on a still-warm toilet seat.
Jun 12th
I still blame George Lucas.
I just read Frank Darabont’s original script for “Indiana Jones and the Temple of the...
Jun 12th
A question of grammar
What do you call it when a new website goes up on the Internet? Was it “released”? Did...
Jun 11th
Looking at all sides of the story
What this report fails to take into consideration are the inevitable hits to the lubrication market...
Jun 11th
My own personal addition to the fantastic 50 Reporter O Face...
Jun 10th
Dana Carvey has pretty much completely morphed into his...
Jun 9th
I have to thank Burger King. It was such a disgusting burger...
— Robert Downey Jr., when asked...
Jun 9th
Is it too late to change back to Hillary?
Jun 8th
Open slot.
alexbalk: So now that Hillary’s out, what major female public figure is it acceptable for liberal...
Jun 5th
Watch
Jun 4th
What the fuck, California?
Why the fuck do we have to vote on something every other goddamn month? And now, today, a...
Jun 3rd
marklisanti: Garfield Minus Garfield, Plus Grim Reaper: an...
Jun 3rd
Jun 3rd
Emo rules!
Jun 3rd
Well, they certainly nailed it.
From Pitchfork’s 4.7 review of the latest Weezer album: Sadly, the once burned-out Weezer...
Jun 3rd
Bush is stupid.
That’s basically the whole joke in my piece for ESPN the Magazine, regarding sports-related...
Jun 3rd
May
Is "Lost" racist?
From this interview with Harold Perrineau, who plays/played Michael on the show, and is not happy...
May 31st
Listen
May 31st
A question of decorum
Hypothetically speaking, say I contacted someone on Craig’s List about getting two tickets for...
May 30th
Remote tribe found in Brazil, and they evidently don’t...
May 30th
In honor of tonight's season finale
Here’s the ideal baseball lineup of “Lost” characters.
May 29th
You’d think the photographer could’ve gotten an...
May 28th
An enigma wrapped in a riddle wrapped in...
So this afternoon I was in the office toilet stall, simultaneously dropping a deuce and trying to...
May 28th
My favorite thing of the day.
May 28th
Because if I’m not getting boners, no one else is...
May 27th
Thanks, Smoking Gun!
Now I’ll never get a boner again.
May 27th
Reason #2,992 Why I Hate The Internet
It allows me to easily see how hacky my jokes are. Case in point: Today when I thought I was clever...
May 27th
It's worth the sunshine
Only 362 people dead from the Big One? That’s not bad at all.
May 23rd
My review
“Indiana Jones and the Temple of Disappointment”
May 23rd
Watch
Grosse Pointe Blank 2: Blank Harder!
May 22nd
Beats fake websites.
Anyone else think these alleged “smiley face killers” are really just part of a viral...
May 21st
An impossible request
Anyone know where I could get a copy of the script for the third part of Lars von Trier’s The...
May 20th
Complaint #215
Hey, look! An official white whine by myself. My next white whine: Spelling my last name...
May 19th
The LQ Index
marklisanti: 94: The precise number of Fahrenheit degrees which, when exceeded, turns everyone in...
May 19th
Should be now after getting the Edwards endorsement. Also:...
May 16th
That's about right.
From Salon’s interview with Matt Taibbi: Don’t you see any danger in equating...
May 16th
Meta
Heckles directed at me in the comments of today’s Heckler’s Prospectus: “wow,...
May 15th
California just got more fabulous!
Gays can marry! Go gays!
May 15th
Plus, I'm racist.
I don’t care about basketball anymore. I did once, back during the Jordan Years when the...
May 15th
Yes! I can’t tell you how happy I am to officially...
May 15th
Alternate title: "No Glove, No Love"
I have to say, this thing I have today over at ESPN the Mag is one of my better fantasy...
May 15th
Don’t know when this news was officially released, but...
May 14th
What I Bought Today.
Lars von Trier’s The Kingdom, Series 2. All you need to know is that, in the last shot of the...
May 14th
What the fuck, Google News?
May 14th
No one has really been quite as perfect for black and white...
May 14th
An intense still from the video for Portishead’s...
May 12th
Guess I better start carrying a steak...
You know, since I’ve needed the Heimlich Manuever four times so far …
May 9th
Watch
Date rape was never more adorable.
May 8th
Stop it, CNN. “Ginormous” is not a word!
May 8th
Pretty fun thing to play with over at CNN.com. Even if...
May 7th
Those preparing for my birthday - and honestly, everyone...
May 6th
This story's fake, right?
Florida Teacher Canned for Practicing “Wizardry”
May 6th
Also not helping: the phrase starts with...
This is why sexual harassment will never be taken seriously; all of the stories are just so...
May 6th
Freakonomics
Are suicides by carbon monoxide poisoning down now that gas prices are so high?
May 6th
Would that make A.J. Pierzynski Colonel...
White Sox try to bust slump with massive blow-up doll orgy: I would like to fully describe to you...
May 5th
So many things wrong with this: (1) AOL still existing; (2)...
May 5th
Winner!
May 5th
I knew it!
Those fucking hippies with the Che T-shirts are all full of shit! I’m kind of curious about...
May 5th
Iron Man, summarized
From Jeff Wells: Bottom line: decent movie, great lead performance, and a realization on your way...
May 5th
Why Ozzie Guillen Rules
“Right now everyone in Chicago is making lineups — ‘Call up this guy, call up that...
May 5th
If this was the regular penalty for coming in 2nd place, I...
May 4th
This photo found its way into my inbox today. It has...
May 2nd
My humor does not work on certain...
Female coworker: Last night, I played the first game for this kickball league I’m in. It was...
May 2nd
Watch
fek: The Guitar Hero embeddable widget. Don’t say I never did nothing to waste your time.
May 2nd
4 Days
The over/under for how long until a “Crazy Gyno Stories” sprouts up somewhere after...
May 1st
Apr
Is this irony?
I’m giving up my addiction to hookers in order to save up enough money for Grand Theft Auto...
Apr 30th
Go forth, and spread thy word!
jdel: alexbalk: Can we all agree to spell it ‘vag’ from here on out? I understand the argument that...
Apr 30th
Bonus: There’s no way to convey the joy I get from YouTube selecting the below screenshot as...
Apr 29th
Watch
Juar taking on Muslimology!
Apr 29th
He seemed so normal. Well, outside of...
Clinical psychologist Dr. Kristina Downing-Orr told CNN: “What is chilling about this case is...
Apr 29th
Heckler of the Year!
Sorry about so many HP-related posts today, but here was a comment I had to pass along, if only for...
Apr 28th
Promoting my (correct) view to the...
Also from today’s Heckler’s Prospectus: Papelbon, Jonathan - Seeing that Papelbon got...
Apr 28th
Adding insult to injury
Is it really necessary to continually call this guy “morbidly obese”?...
Apr 28th
Finding God in the most unlikely of...
My first negative comment over at the Heckler’s Prospectus, for today’s Red Sox...
Apr 28th
Rethinking HBO's John Adams
They should have called the show “There Will Be Disgusting Old-Timey Medical...
Apr 25th
Watch
Over/under on how many nightmares this video will give me in the next two weeks: 74
Apr 24th
Google News update: This is the current default image for...
Apr 24th
Apparently, this is the go-to image to convey male...
Apr 24th
Events That Women Were Surprisingly Not...
- Developing computer code to warn them immediately when my MySpace status changes from “In A...
Apr 24th
The heartbreak of Carl Crawford
Hey, look! More stuff over at ESPN!
Apr 24th
Some decisions are forever.
If I had to do it all again, my Internet handle for message board and IM activity would be...
Apr 23rd
Masturbation: The new glass of wine
Masturbating five times a week reduces your chance of getting prostate cancer!
Apr 23rd
Prejudice.
I don’t care how many awards you’ve won, how many degrees you have, how great of a...
Apr 23rd
How I celebrated Earth Day
By jerking off into a sock instead of a paper towel.
Apr 23rd
Watch
New Juar!
Apr 22nd
Worth a wider audience
From today’s Heckler’s Prospectus entry on the Texas Rangers: Saltalamacchia, Jarrod -...
Apr 22nd
Sorry, Tina Fey. I enjoyed your time at SNL, and find 30...
Apr 21st
Just signed up for Facebook today am already taking...
Apr 20th
“Forgetting Sarah Marshall”, a movie that looked both silly and annoying in the...
Apr 20th
How did I miss this one?
Recently, I’ve been exposed to Neutral Milk Hotel’s 1998 album “In the Aeroplane...
Apr 19th
As opposed to one he commissioned.
After Lee surrendered to Henrico Police, investigators discovered the Sears manager had created a...
Apr 18th
alexbalk:
Apr 18th
Mexican music is really, really...
Booo Ba-Do-Da Booo Ba-Do-Da Booo Ba-Do-Da Booo Ba-Do-Da Booo Ba-Do-Da Booo Ba-Do-Da Booo...
Apr 17th
See, guys? All that paranoia was justified! They are...
Apr 17th
Watch
Woooo!
Apr 17th
Awesome.
Apr 17th
CNN needs some new headline writers, seeing as they’re...
Apr 14th
Mothers, lock up your daughters
A few friends and I were at a bar this weekend, for the seemingly sole reason of them feeding me...
Apr 14th
The scariest image I’ve seen in a long while, from...
Apr 11th
A-Rod was never one for "words"
Alex Rodriguez increased his career RBI total to 1,510, moving him one ahead of Mickey Mantle and...
Apr 11th
Recipe: You're Going To Die Alone...
Step 1: Get a meatloaf recipe.Step 2: Follow the meatloaf recipe, leaving out the salt, since your...
Apr 11th
I have a strong belief that the crazy guy who lives next door to me has devoted his entire life to...
Apr 11th
Legitimacy is in site!
Well, quasi-legitimacy at best. There’s not much prestige in writing satirical fantasy sports...
Apr 10th
Some people just aren't worth the...
Before the Purge: 172 contacts. After the Purge: 151 contacts.
Apr 10th
I've just had the biggest scare in my...
Through a combination of stupidity, doing too many things at once, and general incompetance, I just...
Apr 10th
I'm giving this idea away for free,...
A Pro-Obama parody of Toto’s “Rosanna”. It writes itself, really.
Apr 10th
I'm not sure why some things are funny,...
From the old SNL sketch “An Insane Idiot And His Collection Of Descending-Size Deer...
Apr 9th
The one thing holding back complete...
This story brings up a good question: Why the fuck are the Russians still referred to as...
Apr 8th
While we're on the subject...
alexbalk: Perhaps my proudest moment writing Gawker happened when the muse of creativity graced me...
Apr 8th
I’ll have what she’s having, assuming that what...
Apr 8th
This is just the muddled-up statistic that the underground, and extremely lazy, ”Say No to...
Apr 8th
The new "You Might Be A Redneck"
When you name your religious sect the “Yearning for Zion Ranch”, you might be trying to...
Apr 8th
Watch
The first in a series I’m putting together with a friend. If all goes well, I’ll be...
Apr 8th
Bee careful, boys and girls
This past weekend while I was sitting at my computer, I heard a commotion outside my window. I went...
Apr 8th
Sperm Fight!
What the story isn’t saying is that she’s going to have to extract the sperm out the old...
Apr 7th
Heads up, Zsa Zsa
Along with a few other members of the Big News crew, I’m participating in a Dead Pool for the...
Apr 6th
Really, when you break it down, the title of this brilliant McSweeney’s list is redundant.
Apr 3rd
Those Bible-writers were slick...
From Leviticus 20:18 “And if a man shall lie with a woman having her sickness, and shall...
Apr 3rd
My counterattack
My sister: “How does ‘Uncle Rick’ sound to you?” Me: “Is this your...
Apr 1st
I hate the Internet today.
I’ve already been subjected to about a dozen “shocking news items” that are...
Apr 1st
Mar
In the year 2008
Modern Mechanix has a reprint of an old article from 1968, predicting how humans would live 40 years...
Mar 27th
Watch
To prepare for the upcoming baseball season, here’s the Royals Joey Gathright jumping over a...
Mar 26th
IMDB’s keywords sure don’t pussyfoot around, do...