January 2008
30 posts
1952! Korea! 1968! Vietnam! 30,000! Long-term!...
The thing I’m going to miss most once the Republican primaries conclude are the Liveblogs of the crazy-ass loony GOP debates by Ken Layne over at Wonkette. They sum up the perfect feeling of “huh?” and WTF-itude one gets whenever the old, wrinkley white men get together.
Terrible, I know.
A selection from last Sunday’s instantly classic episode of Big News: Oliver Stone will direct a movie focusing on the life and presidency of George W. Bush. The new movie will be a companion piece to “JFK”, only in this one, the president will begin his term without any brains.
July 13th, 2007: The first, and only, time I...
CSW: Super Blow
Just in time for what looks to be the greatest upset or most lopsided Super Bowl of all time, here’s a bunch of jokes disguised as actual handicapping analysis over at CSW. Use wisely.
I have testosterone, honestly.
I changed a tire today. I am all that is man.
I don't quite know how to take this.
“You look like someone who likes The Big Lebowski.” - a coworker who obviously doesn’t like the film, minutes ago.
More like Chief of Stiff!
So here’s the story: Detroit’s mayor, kicking back because all of the city’s problems have obviously been solved, had himself a nice booty-call affair with his Chief of Staff, one that the court found out because the mayor stupidly conducted much of the affair through the magic of text-messaging. The best part, and there’s always a best part with these kinds of stories, is...
Time to turn the terror alert to brown
As in, it’s time to start shitting in your pants. There are bombs under your house!
Ebert Declawed, Partially Analyzed
I have a short-running theory that ever since Roger Ebert had surgery to remove his thyroid cancer, he’s become a softened man, handing out 2-, 3-, and 4-star ratings haphazardly and for subpar ratings. Today, it’s time for the research! First, here’s the list of Ebert’s “Current Reviews”, with a few titles MS Painted out if they’re reviews of older...
This is evidently a big deal.
Since it’s on CNN’s front page and all: The title of the new James Bond movie is “Quantum of Solace”. According to the ol’ dictionary, a “quantum” is an indivisible entity of energy, meaning this one will most likely be about some kind of calming, invisible rays, perhaps some kind of X-rays that an “evil supervillian” wants to spread across the...
Perhaps I should rethink this blog's name.
Four entries down on a Google search for “Rickish” heads this way:
It's tough to choke back laughter while urinating.
Last week marked the final day for a coworker I’ve come to dub the Office Shitter, at least when I’m talking to himself. This designation was based solely on his ability to time each of his bowel movements to coincide with my walking into the restroom, forcing me to wade through a thick cloud of stench and echoing flatulence on my way to the urinal. He was never one for the courtesy...
CSW: Crybabies
New stuff here. Click the link gently. Oh, so gently.
Breaking Blues
Am I the only one who gets a giddy feeling whenever you’re the first person to tell someone else that a famous person died? (I know that’s a convoluted sentence, but it took me about 15 minutes to come up with that wording.)
CBS needs a bigger budget.
These next two screenshots are from last night’s “Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson”. In consecutive segments, Sly Stallone came out to promote Rambo Kills People In The Jungle and Steve Wiebe ware-pimped the DVD release of The King of Kong. The strange thing: They’re wearing the exact same shirt! Sly just turned his inside-out and popped off the top button with a chest...
Where's Mr. Brooks?
Now that the Oscar nominations have been announced, I guess it’s a good time to release my “official” Top Five Movies of 2007 List. (I’ve been holding off, mostly because I didn’t want to influence any of the Powers That Be.) Any lists released before this point, either verbally or written down, are no longer official and should be disposed of by any means...
You get what you pay for.
Since my cell phone camera doesn’t work (or, at least, work as in “upload” to my computer), I went out to Walgreen’s and bought a $10 Vivitar camera. This was the first picture I took. It’s not good.
Mark it down.
January 21st, 2008 at 2:42pm Pacific Standard Time: The moment my sex drive died.
Tynes is the Word!
Copyeditors around the nation (and myself) all had the same collective thought when Giants kicker Lawrence Tynes lined up for a game-winning kick in last night’s overtime game against the Packers after previously missing two relatively easy kicks: But when that one was claimed — or it was realized that it was way too easy of a headline to seem original — some of the...
1 tag
Semper fi!
On the heels of the pregnant white Marine murder, the completely rational, non-radical Westboro Baptist Church is heading to North Carolina to protest the Marine base. Why? Apparently along with the gays, Muslims, abortionists, Christopher Hitchens, Teletubbies, fat people, and that preteen bitch Margaret, God also hates the U.S. Marines: “The wonderful, spit-and-polish Marine [Lauterbach] is over...
You know what? That Bobby Fischer was kinda crazy!
The chess king, immortalized in the hit action-packed thrilled Searching for Bobby Fischer, died today at the age of 64. The Jews probably had something to do with it. Money quote from his Wikipedia page: Fischer, whose mother and probable biological father were both Jewish,made occasional hostile comments toward Jews from at least the early 1960s. From the 1980s, however, his hatred for Jews was...
We know how Philip Rivers didn't tear his ACL.
Through “thrusting-into-a-female” action.
My mom is most certainly proud.
This joke, my crowning achievement in Life and Big News, might be from a news story that’s a few weeks old, but it seems necessary to post it so my grandchildren can one day view it, and also be proud of me: Former “Long Island Lolita” Amy Fisher has decided to help sell a homemade sex tape instead of trying to pull it from the Internet. Fisher plans to promote the tape by highlighting her...
Comforting Mitt
My good friend, Mitt Romney, has been kind of down in the dumps lately, even with his huge Gold Medal Victory(!) in Michigan. He’s been grappling with the fact that he will have to make a decision about making a decision about something soon, has been getting shit from wives #5-8 because he’s been giving too much attention to wives #1-3, 9, and 16, and he’s starting to go gray in...
“Or is it my ass that is enveloping my head?”
– Coworker, today, 12:08pm
CSW: Grindin'
New stuff here. Let’s get it on!
This is a test post
Oh my, what a test post. Test, test, test. Yippee!