December 2008
104 posts
Hey, 2008!
Go fuck yourself! You fucking sucked! Don’t let the goddamn door hit you on the fucking ass!
Rambling Thoughts of a Wedding Participant
The more I wade into the depths of my younger sister’s marriage this week, the more I’ve been thinking about my own future in regards to nuptuals. And what I’ve concluded is that I’m probably never going to get married, at least in the “traditional” sense. No big wedding with over 150 people at some country club in the suburbs. It’ll be a small, maybe...
"You Just Got Rick-Rolled!"
Or, What I’m Going To Say To The Next Woman I Have Sex With
No Shit: Virginity Pledges are Meaningless →
NY Times Presidential Endorsements Since The... →
Top Ten Movies of 2008!
Hey, look! 2008 is almost over, and since I’m not going to be seeing any more movies over the next few days, it’s time to make a list! This year, for whatever reason, it seems like I’ve seen way more movies in the theaters than usual. Therefore, you have to trust my judgement when I say that these ten are, without a doubt, the greatest films of 2008. 1. “Synecdoche, New...
The Highbrow, and the Low
Tonight for our “get completely trashed and try to think up something clever” brain game, some friends and I decided to make up a list of horrible pick-ups lines for various states. We got pretty far with Chicago- and Illinois-based come-ons, but it wasn’t until we started up on California that we found how far we could stretch either side of the comedic spectrum. The first,...
Do actually good love songs exist?
So yeah, my sister’s getting married in a week, and my dad has been searching online for some good “love songs” for the wedding, but they’re all awful country ballads or bullshit Peter Cetera crap. Are there any really great, kind of obscure songs out there that could fit the bill? Anyone?
Xanadu!
Who would’ve guessed that when we resigned ourselves to trying out a few of the “lesser” bars of Oak Forest, IL (Pop: 28,051) in order to avoid the overflow holiday crowd (read: people from high school we’d rather not have to talk to) that we’d actually find a pretty decent bar? The place is called Marcotte’s on Cicero - it used to be the second incarnation of a...
need synonyms for vagina, shame-cave, kitty-cage,...
Most Disgusting: Festering Hatchet Wound Kinda Creepy: Velvet-lined Coin Purse Current Favorite: Spunk Bucket
natashavc:
(snatch, cooter, who-ha, are all so obvs)
BUT i’m looking for something fresher (HA!)
ok so far I have
squeeze-box
gash
man-pleaser
canal
I’m coming up dry on ideas. (omg! again! ha!)
... and don't forget "The Sideshow Geek" at 8/7C!
TV shows currently airing on TLC this holiday season:
“17 Kids and Counting” — About the Duggar Family’s attempt to handle their mess of a clan while waiting for kid number dozen-and-a-half.
“Jon and Kate Plus 8” — Like the Duggar’s, but with less children.
“Little People, Big World” — A family of midgets take on the world!
...
It was only a matter of time.
Somehow, it’s fitting that Mike Brown is going to miss the final Bears game of the regular season after going on the IR.
And now I've learned how to turn off the Date...
Also noted: My camera has some sweet digital zoom on it, so you should expect photos of my penis in the future.
Murdered Man - Christmas in Little Armenia (Best...
Anyone else excited?
Thankfully, Bears-Packers means something tomorrow night!
Merry Christmas to All: Beirut to Release Double... →
Stalker or Good Samaritan?
A note that I found on my windshield tonight:
Your Right Front tire is missing a nut! This is very Dangerous! Buy a new nut, it will be cheap, take you ten minutes.
Now this is obviously a nice gesture, but do you know how difficult it is to spot a missing nut on a car? This person was obviously staking out my car, but I don’t know if it was because they’re a Guardian Angel, or a...
Insta-Movie Review: "The Wrestler"
Christ, Marisa Tomei is hot.
“It is theoretically possible to make an apparently bigoted remark that is also...”
– My oh my, Hitchens is catty today.
What I learned today while doing some Death Pool...
Lauren Bacall, B.B. King and Nick Jonas all share my birthday!
Insta-movie review: "Frost/Nixon"
Decent, but a completely boring job of directing by Ron Howard kind of made it just, “eh”. Good performances by Frank Langella, Michael Sheen and the always-awesome Sam Rockwell, but the pace of it all was just so stagnant and keeps it from being a true Oscar contender. Also, Toby Jones’ New Yorker accent is awful.
In conclusion, “The Paper” was better.
What "Seven Pounds" Is About
The advertising campaign, movie reviews and even the title have been purposefully vague, because it has one of those trick plot points that would ruin the mystery of the first half of the movie. But since I have no plans on seeing it, I thought I’d spoil it for you. SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!
I’M WARNING YOU!!!
TURN BACK NOW, UNLESS YOU WANT EVERYTHING SPOILED FOR YOU!!!
Alright, are we...
And now I'm officially Larry King ...
Argue all you want, sandwiches always taste better when you cut them in half.
I command you to read this. →
(via alexbalk)
Christ ...
Does anyone know a publication like Radar used to be, where I can peddle my silly link-bait story ideas for monetary gain? My decision to head into a freelance lifestyle was surprisingly dependent on my ability to turn bullshit into cash money.
"Hung" Greenlit!
There’s so much to like about this. Thomas Jane! Alexander Payne! HBO! The fact that it’s about “a high school basketball coach who decides to use his gargantuan penis to make ends meet”. Awesome.
WTF?
The government says no, but the GOVERNMENT LIES!!!
iamrad:
Uh, did anyone else in LA just feel an earthquake or am I on crack?
Insta-Movie Review
Yes, there are a lot of similarities between “The Candidate” and Obama’s improbable run to become President. Mostly, the fact that the two candidates move a lot more towards the center as they become more likely to win. Besides that, the movie kind of sucks and is extremely dated. How this got nominated for “Best Sound” when every third line was obviously dubbed over,...
Newest NFL Name-Change Inspiration: Teen Wolf! →
(via stephenfalk)
Spots still available!
My justification to a friend that participating in my death pool is not morally wrong in any way:
You’re picking 10 celebrities, which means you’re hoping for 10 people to die next year. But since there’s about 50 other people participating in the death pool this year, and each of them are picking 10 celebrities, that’s about 500 celebrities you’ll be rooting to NOT...
Why? - Gemini
The magic of hindsight
In any biopic or biography there’s always a few moments from the famous person’s childhood that are dramatized in order to show that this is why they became who they are! For Hitchcock, it was when his dad sent him to jail overnight (or for a few hours at least) because of being a bad kid. This, obviously, led him to produce some of the greatest “Wrong Man” and police...
One vice, somewhat handled
Tonight I took the drastic measure of sticking a video game in my trunk.
Now I’m not a video game buff by any definition. I bought my Playstation 3 about six months ago for (a) the Blu-Ray factor; and (b) the horrid thought that people would be running over hookers and causing overall mayhem on Grand Theft Auto 4 while I was not. The plan was to play through GTA4 in its entirety —...
Nostrarickus strikes again.
Awhile ago, a bunch of folks from my Second City writing class got together for plans to create our own series of shorts that we could write and record for the Internet, one of those FunnyorDie pieces of nonsense. One of our ideas was about a group of individuals who where involved in some kind of Fetishist Anonymous group, except, you know, with some off-the-wall outrageous obviously fake...
Beirut - Postcards From Italy
Problem Solved
From Baseball Prospectus:
Without fanfare, general managers decided during the Winter Meetings to eliminate the process of using coin flips to decide home-field advantage in tie-breaker games for division titles or wild-card playoff berths. Beginning next season, head-to-head records in the regular season will determine who plays at home.
That comes a year too late for the Twins, who lost 1-0...
The Anti-Sarah Palin
Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan is kind of hot, in a Lorraine Bracco kind of way. Mark my words, this Blago scandal will push her into the national spotlight for quite a bit.
