February 2009
77 posts
The Decline of Good Taste, Part XXXVII
Was I the only one surprised that a movie with the word “Blart” in it was able to be released in theaters and become the number one movie in America? What’s next? A movie called “Donkey Punch”?
Oh.
January 2009
62 posts
McBlownald's!
It’s about time to put this “Hipsters Eat at McDonald’s” ad campaign to bed. Watching an ethnically diverse group bring a sack of Quarter Pounders to a party, a childless wife in her late 20s stick toothpicks in McNuggets for their dinner party, or a bunch of breakdancers doing back flips on the Paramount studio backlot before munching down on some Mickey D’s does not...
There's a good chance this will come back to haunt...
Hey, it’s my version of that stupid “25 Things You Don’t Know About Me” nonsense! Yeah!
——- There’s a theme to this one. Let’s see if you could find it out! (Note: All of these are 100% completely true. Sorry in advance.) 1. The first pornographic material I ever saw was something called “Freaks of Nature, Volume 3”. This was before the Internet,...
Suddenly, a reason to stay in tonight.
CBS to air Bill Hicks’ originally cut “Letterman” performance from 15 years ago tonight.
And I've never been prouder.
Something I can now claim on my resume: Sneaking in a reference to adult film actress Sasha Grey in a fantasy baseball article for ESPN the Mag.
Searches gone right?
Also, apparently while I was away Tumblr introduced a new feature where you could search users’ blogs. My last two searches were for, in order, “gay porn” and “atheism”. Yeah, that’s about right.
And I'm back.
Statistics from the last 10 days:
- 2,300 miles logged on the car - Visits to two cities I’ve never been to before (Portland and Seattle) along with a few stops of small, mountain towns that have Jesus plastered on every orifice they can - 1 hot dog - 485 digital photos - 40 cups of beer (estimated) - 0 minutes of watching porn - 0 minutes of watching the Inauguration - Roughly $400 spent...
Waaaaaalt!
So, yeah. I’m in Portland tonight, visiting with friends for the week, but what I neglected to fully comprehend until now is just how much I really NEED to find a place to sit for a full 3 hours and watch all of the Lost festivities. In any case, this is all just a way of saying that if you’re as into the show as I am, you should check out this new piece for ESPN the Mag I did. If...
A Sad, Sad Day For Local Radio--Indie 103.1 Is... →
marklisanti:
They’ll still be broadcasting online, but fuck-all good that will do us when we need something to listen to in the car. This is just terrible news.
[via tumblangeles]
How's this for dream symbolism?
In a dream last night, during a particular uncomfortable argument I was having with a friend I said, “Now if you’ll excuse me, my doctor is here to give me my rectal exam”, went into the next room,bent over, and got checked out by my doctor’s large finger, sans lubrication.
An excuse to go to Austria
Fritzl’s Bed and Breakfast, a satirical stage drama a theater company is making about Josef Fritzl and his many, many not-so-hilarious charges.
First Blood Has Been Drawn!
The first official death in this year’s death pool, chosen by 2 entries, is none other than Ricardo Montalban. Rest in peace, Mr. Roarke.
Validation
I’m constantly contemplating how writing about fantasy sports has affected my street-cred in both the hipster and gangsta communities. After all, hipsters hate nothing more than sports - bad memories from being picked last, etc. - and gangstas can’t stand math. That’s why I’m unusually pleased with the discovery that Pavement founder Stephen Malkmus is a huge fantasy geek.
Christ, this one's even better.
Honestly. Read this now.
43. You
Charges: You think it’s your patriotic duty to spend money you don’t have on crap you don’t need. You think Hillary lost because of sexism, when it’s actually because she’s just a bad liar. You think Iraq is better off now than before we invaded, and don’t understand why they’re so ungrateful. You think Tim Russert was a great...
Hope, change, etc.
Listen, I support Obama. But there is a lot of truth to this passage:
The 50 Most Loathsome People In America, 2008:
50. Barack Obama
Charges: Beyond a few token acts of bipartisan marketing, Barry’s major duty in the Senate was to avoid legislating, so he could pretend Washington-outsider status and nullify attacks on his non-existent policy positions....
Rickey Henderson In the Hall.
Thusly, an excuse to post this classic bit.
Hindsight, Part 2
As the second part of my own experiment regarding personal biographies, I remembered another instant from my childhood that, obviously, can explain so much about my current state of mind. In 1st grade, we were asked by Ms. Messina — who later got married and changed her name when she taught my 3rd grade class, the first act of betrayal I experienced from a female — to write out a sheet...
Fixing the nation.
I understand the need to sink money into such public ventures as health care, schools, infrastructure, automobile bailouts, etc. But what I don’t get is that we refuse to put any money into research regarding something that has been a blight on our nation since its inception in late 1800s. Of course, I’m talking about the hideous digestible object known as American cheese, easily the...
Hypothetically ...
Is there an argument to be made that Magic Johnson has actually done more harm than good in regards to AIDS awareness because, since he’s still alive, people kind of don’t take it seriously anymore?
“Except the Ravens, which we established earlier, and depending on time of possession they are pretty boring, too. Watching them on offense is like pretending that there’s actually chemistry between the couples in that erectile dysfunction commercial that’s been running a lot during the (CBS) games, lately. Not sure if it is Levitra or what, but it’s the one where that saddened guy who looks...
This can't end well.
Scientists hear “roar” from faraway space.
EARTHQUAKE!!!
Confirmed.
iamrad:
Ok, this time I’m sure I just felt and earthquake. I love that this keeps happening when I’m at work. I just hope when the big one hits I’m somewhere else. Dying in a rubble pile at work seems like adding insult to injury somehow.
Eloquent, yet completely unrefined.
From the AV Club’s interview with Jay Reatard:
AVC: Do you get any grief over calling yourself Jay Reatard?
JR: Oh absolutely, man. People say it’s irresponsible and blah blah blah. And I’m like, who cares? Your average 6-year-old uses it as an adjective. Like, “Man, that’s totally retarded, dude!” It’s in fucking rap songs, people saying shit like...
Listen
Sorry, ladies!
Between “Battlestar Galactica” and “Lost”, my dance card during these first few months of ‘09 is pretty much full.
They've stopped trying.
From today’s entry on my brand new 2009 White Sox desk calender: “The 1984 movie ‘The Natural’ was based on what book by author Bernard Malamud?”
Answer: “The Natural”
Holy fuck!
Yes, I WILL be spending a majority of my days from now on watching the MLB Network. Thanks, deity!
Even when Anne Hathaway looks completely weird, she still looks kinda cute.
