Would that make A.J. Pierzynski Colonel Kurtz?
White Sox try to bust slump with massive blow-up doll orgy:
I would like to fully describe to you the latest slump-busting attempt by the White Sox players, but I’m still not quite sure what I saw.
It was like some bizarre shrine from “Apocalypse Now,’’ minus Brando of course. Now, earmuff-time kids. There were two blow-up dolls with at least 30 bats fanned out all around them in some sort of homage. Of course a few of the bats were doing naughty things, but you get the picture.
Whoever did it tried to frame Toby Hall by placing his hat on one of the dolls, but both Hall and several witnesses exonerated the reserve catcher.
This is just the latest in odd sexual slump-busting practices in Chicago. There’s a famous story about Cubs first baseman Mark Grace “busting his slumps” by going to a bar, picking out the ugliest girl inside, and taking her back to his hotel room. The next day, the baseball gods would be appeased with his penis-sacrifice and the world would be right again.